Not much to say. I haven't given up, but I got frustrated and annoyed, so I decided to take a different approach. I kept the book on the nightstand next to my side of the bed as a gentle reminder that this isn't over, but I gave up doing all the exercises.
About 3 nights ago (maybe Monday or Tuesday - I should have written about it the next day), I woke up sometime while it was still dark with the vibrations. I'm almost completely certain that I was awake, mostly because I remember all the things I was thinking about at the time, which is something that never happens when I dream. I debated trying to reach over and wake up my wife, hoping that she would wonder why I was vibrating. Then I figured that I'm not really shaking the whole bed, it's just some internal thing, so she would just think I was nuts.
I tried to just let it get stronger and stronger. I think I was so pleased that it was happening that I focused too hard, and after a couple of cycles of stronger and weaker vibrations, it stopped.
I haven't made much more progress in the last 6 weeks. I've been really tired and sleepy at night, and I've completely lost the ability to keep myself from drifting straight off to sleep as soon as I get comfortable and relaxed. Since I haven't been keeping up with the practice exercises, I didn't think it was smart to keep reading ahead in the book. Maybe there's no sense to that, but it's my opinion.
Also, never try this stuff with a nasty head-cold. Coughing, sneezing, and hacking up phlegm-balls aren't particularly conducive to achieving a relaxed state.
I did have a brief episode of the old vibrations sometime in the beginning of October. The book mentions this fairly frequently, so when it happened I got pretty keyed up and excited. Of course, getting keyed up and excited are pretty much the exact opposite of relaxing and blanking out your thoughts. It might be progress, I'll just try to handle it better.
We went away for a few days. We lost power from Hurricane Isabel. I was tired. Blah blah blah. It's all a bunch of excuses.
The truth is that I haven't made much progress in the book. The most recent chapters I've read have suggested a few more exercises that I'm really having trouble with. The exercises are based on visualizing yourself doing something, and I'm not having a lot of luck. Maybe I'm just not creative enough, or something like that. I'd like to have a little success with some of this before I continue on in the book, because I expect later exercises are going to depend on the ones I'm working on now, much as these depend on the earlier relaxation techniques.
I've gotten good at relaxation. Just ask my wife! Seriously, I've reached a point where I can get comfortable and just sort of sag myself into a pretty relaxed condition. I'm getting much better at keeping my thoughts from drifting toward topics such as work, the kids, whatever. This seems to me to be a major step, since I can spend less time and mental effort getting to the point where I can begin the current set of exercises. That's also why I'm reluctant to move on until I can successfully do the visualization techniques.
Well, off to try again. Maybe talking about it here will be of some help.
Really. Nothing to report. Busy week. Busy weekend. I've continued reading, and I've continued with the exercises, but I'm not at a point where I would expect any real progress to be made.
It seems like last week was just one thing after another in the evenings. Tons of laundry to catch up on from vacation the week before. Up late catching up on e-mail and newsgroups. Up late ordering stuff to install in the PC. Big party on Friday. Anyway, I read another chapter one night last week, but that's about it.
Still doing the exercises. I've been busy, but I'm still committed to this process.
Seriously, though, last week was the week of the big family vacation to the beaches of New Jersey. I dutifully continued my exercises, but I didn't even bring the book.
I did have one bizarre thing happen one night. After completing the exercises, I found myself very relaxed (as I'm supposed to) and pretty much wide awake. The next step is to blank your mind. What the heck is that supposed to mean, or even feel like? Anyway, I tried not to think about anything. I went through a lot of "No, no, don't think about that! Oh, and don't think about not thinking about it, because that's just thinking about something else!" Did I ever achieve total blankness? Well, my wife thinks so, but she was already asleep, so I couldn't verify it for sure.
After laying there for a few minutes, quite relaxed except for the internal mental argument about blankness, I noticed that the miniblinds looked strange. It was sort of a combination of water running down them and the cascading letters screen-saver from "The Matrix." There was light outside the condo, but it was a clear night (no rain on the window). Then the window seemed to bulge in closer to me. It might have been that I was falling asleep, so I convinced myself that I was awake, and it kept happening.
Hey, maybe it's progress. Back to the book tomorrow, I think.
